Scaredy cat

Assalamualaikum.

Psst, have you gone kayaking before?

Ok, thanks.

I don't know what made me excited before I even asked my parents lol. But once I talked to them, everything nightmarish just flooded into my mind (like wth?! 😫) and I didn't even think twice to cancel my plan.

My juniors are so brave. Me too, yesterday ahaha 😅

They didn't try to scare me or anything. In fact, they gave me the green light. All of them. My father and siblings even encouraged me to go because they said that it would be a good experience. That Tasik Temenggor was huge and the water was calm and everything. Tsk.

Thank God I could drop that sawan thingy(convulsion) but I can't ignore Abah's statement over there 😂
look guys looook, he shamelessly referred to me! Oh btw sorry if you don't understand my fav language hehe xD

Only my mum seemed to sense my fear, every single time. I called her and she told me to just follow my heart. She's okay with anything. :')

Anyways, I've already decided that I won't go. Although at the same time I kind of regret my decision tbh. A lot.

Like more than half of me really wants to join the expedition and only little part of me actually feels scared. And like a fool, I trust that little part... more than anything.

Sometimes, you just know when something isn’t right. When something is about to go wrong, you’d feel it. Sometimes. (Side note: I’ve joined water rafting before (thrice) and I swear I’d do that all over again if I get a chance in the future. Funny isn’t it? How I used to be so far from any terrifying thought of being in the water)

Nobody told me to read the news about fatal accidents during kayaking.

Nobody told me to google the kayaking death stats.

Nobody told me to search the news about a student who died because he was trapped under the kayak 
due to his own life jacket that was pushing him upward. He was trapped  :'(

But I did anyway.

I read everything that I found...

And now, I have to admit that FEAR has successfully taken over my mind.

Yerp, it’s true. Kayaking looks like fun. Duhh~ if you've done it before, or if it's actually your fav pastime whatsoever, of course you'd say that it is thrilling, amirite? 😉 plus it's less dangerous compared to water-rafting, I guess. Got a lot of bruises and a few cuts just from banging with something that I can’t even remember. 😂

I already imagine that kayaking would be a memorable experience to me. I want to go, mannnn!

However, being someone who almost drowned to death. I don't think those three days would be enjoyable. 

What if I keep thinking about stupid things? *smacks self*

I know the possibilities of something bad to happen is like only 0.01%. Veeeeery little because, you know every time the university organized this kind of expedition involving flat-water or whitewater kayak, no serious accident had ever occurred. Thankfully.

Also, I know that I'm being too paranoid >_< tehhehe~ like, yeahhh if my time has come then I'll be dead anyway right? Anytime, anywhere even when I'm walking, sleeping, or eating, etc. So why be so pessimist that if I go into the deep water I'll die?

Can I say that I just don't want to die drowning? eeekkk...

Okay laa, to be frank I can't remember anymore how it felt when I drowned years ago. I mean, almost drowned. Hehe. But you know? The pain of not being able to breath plus the pain when you feel like your heart almost giving out is mooooore than enough to make me have a phobia. Tqvm.

You go try that and then come back and tell me how to overcome this fear. 😛

P/s : Also, I need to learn swimming again. Kakakaaa 😆 and I just found out here that one quarter of drowning victims are swimmers, urm but learning won't hurt, right? I don't know when the participation will be closed, they only need one more person from my course. Hehe. 😏